DESPRE NIC

Dragă Nunuş,    

Nu ştiu în ce an am văzut pentru prima dată o poză cu tine şi cu Nic, după căsătorie, pe care i-ai trimis-o lui tanti Florica. Era prin anii '70. M-am uitat cu plăcere şi cu admiraţie la amândoi. Nic arăta ca un artist de cinema, cu o figură luminoasă şi un zâmbet fermecător. Iar aerul pe care îl degaja era de dragaoste şi protecţie la adresa ta. Şi tu erai tare mândră ! A stat poza aceea mulţi ani la Fedeleşoiu, dar anul trecut n-am mai văzut-o. S-o fi mutat şi ea la Vâlcea?

Prima data când l-am întâlnit pe Nic a fost în 1990, la Paris. Era prima mea vizită la Paris. Am avut şansa nesperată să ne întâlnim acolo. Pe tine nu te văzusem de mulţi ani, iar pe Nic îl ştiam numai din poza de la Fedeleşoiu. Nu-l cunoşteam. Aveam emoţii mari. De când nu te mai văzusem pe tine? Ce fel de om o fi Nic? Cum mă voi simţi împreună cu voi? Mă întrebam înainte de a ne întâlni.

Iar când ne-am întâlnit parcă ne-am fi despărţit ieri, iar pe Nic parcă îl cunoşteam de când lumea. Aproape că nu ar mai trebui să adaug nimic. Atunci când întâlneşti un om în preajma căruia te simti în largul tău din prima clipă înseamna mult. Nu numai zâmbet, înseamnă căldură, înţelegere, prietenie, bucuria de a oferi bucurie celuilat. Şi împreună mi-aţi oferit zile pline şi minunate. Plimbare prin Paris, o masă deosebita cu “fruits de mer” cum nu mai mâncasem, o plimbare cu “bateau mouche” pe Sena, frumos, elegant, împodobit cu flori. Şi plimbarea, în acea zi toridă, am făcut-o sorbind dintr-o bere rece oferită de Nic. Am repetat plimbarea peste ani, dar n-am reuşit să mai găsesc vaporul acela minunat.

Atunci am cunoscut generozitatea lui Nic şi a ta, am văzut la amândoi bucuria de a face plăcere şi două zile mi le-aţi dedicat în întregime, atunci am remarcat umorul lui fin, uneori şugubăţ cu care dezbătea un subiect, ca de exemplu cel al marilor panouri publicitare, cât casa (era unul în apropierea casei voastre din Paris) pe care trona o frumoasă îmbrăcată sumar. Cultura mea despre Paris cu care am venit de acasă nu includea acest aspect, nu văzusem niciodată, aşa că, nu ştiu a cui a fost ideea, a ta sau a lui, Nic m-a tras de mână şi iată-ne postaţi în faţa acelui panou luaţi în poză de Nunuş

Şi mai bine l-am cunoscut la Los Angeles, unde a fost o gazdă primitoare oferindu-mi din prima clipă un loc de cazare în bazin, alături de crocodilul care plutea pe apă, iar în altă zi mi-a adus banane, văzând cât de mult îmi plăceau mie bananele, spunând cu un zâmbet plin de înţelegere pentru poftele omeneşti: “Am adus banane pentru maimuţică” - asta eram eu.

Cred că e o poză care ţi-a plăcut foarte mult. Am văzut că ai trimis-o şi altora şi apare mai jos in Cartea aceasta de Oaspeţi a sitului lui Nic, deci o pun mică aici. Aceasta este pentru tanti Florica. Tu împreună cu cei mai iubiţi oameni din viaţa ta: NIC şi MAMA.

  Doina, - “Din tolba cu amintiri”                       Bucureşti, 8 noiembrie 2010

     When I was 10 and newly arrived in the U.S., I spent about one week with Nick and Nunus at their Encino home and have wonderful memories. Nick showed me various parts of L.A. and we talked about cars and the aerodynamics of airplanes. He liked technical, mechanical things. I remember the strangely circular white house at the top of the hill which Nick called the "mafia house". We drove passed it once and I could glimpse outlandish artworks through the large windows. Rich, mysterious fodder for my imagination. It was also during that time that I met Soul Bellow, the writer. He had just returned with his wife and son from Sweden were he received the Nobel Prize. I remember playing ping pong with the writer. Nunus took his son Daniel and me to the movies. That summer's blockbuster was Jaws which managed to inspire my nocturnal adventures through their house... Being a shy kid was never a good way of getting to know people and in Nick I felt a kindred spirit. That, and the age difference ensured that he would remain an enigma to me. Yet, despite these obstacles, I always imagined him as a vast repository of knowledge and secret wisdom. I regret not having breached the facade.

[Romanian]

Draga Nunus,

Din avalansa amintirilor cu si despre Nic se desprinde imaginea sa luminoasa, pregnanta si nobila.

Deosebit de inteligent, cultivat, fin, usor ironic, entertainer, generos, profesor apreciat la una din facultatile medicale de mare prestigu din SUA, aristocrat fara fasoane, Nic degaja imaginea unui boier de vitza veche, dintr-o lume apusa.

Oameni ca Nic ne-au infrumusetat si imbogatit viata si raman o parte din ceeace suntem. 

M. Ciobanu, MD
Loma Linda, California

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[English]

From the avalanche of memories with and about Nic the bright, powerful and elegant image of his presence detaches itself.

Remarkably intelligent, highly cultivated, refined, with a touch of irony, an entertainer, generous, appreciated professor at one of the prestigious US medical schools, an aristocrat without airs, Nic was radiating  the image of a lord of old noble origin, from a long gone era.

People like Nic beautified our lives, made it richer, and their spirit remains a  part of whom we are.

M. Ciobanu, MD
Loma Linda, California

     Un"gand" usor  si  greu  de  prins

     Imi  placeau  gesturile  de  copil "nastrusnic" - exact  ce  nu  avea  voie sa  faca  aia  era  tentat  sa  faca: sa  puna  mana  pe  obiecte  in  muzee, sa  aprinda  lumina, sa  dea  drumul  la  apa, sa  arunce  tigara,  etc.
 
     Rareori, dupa  ce  il  capacitai  sa  vorbeasca  serios,  iti  dadeai  seama  ca  are  ceva  de  spus in  alt  registru  decat  cel  banal  si  obisnuit. 

Maia
 
Maria Dragota, Arhitect, Targul Mures, Romania

[English]
 
A difficult to capture "light" tought
 
     I enjoyed his uncommon prankish child behavior - he was tempted to do exactly what one was forbidden: to touch objects in museums, to lit the light, to let the water run, to throw the cigarette on the ground, etc.
 
     Only seldom, when you were able to stir him into talking in a more serious manner were you realizing that he really had something to tell on a different register than the normal, trivial one.

       Ne aducem cu drag aminte de o plimbare cu Nic si prietenii pe lacul Snagov spre biserica din timpul lui Vlad Tepes - calatorie fascinanta dar prea lenta pentru temperamentul vulcanic ce-l caracteriza. Era un adevar frumos, vorbim despre o barca si vaslasii ei care isi dadeau toata silinta sa ne duca cat mai repede la destinatie.Frumusetea locului a fost accentuata si de incetineala de deplasare a barcii. In finalul calatoriei debarcarea la mal s-a facut cu mare bucurie de catre Nic si cu amintire frumoasa.

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[English]

    We are recalling with affection a boat ride with Nic on the Snagov Lake towards the church from Vlad Tepes times - a fascinating trip, but way too slow for the volcanic nature he which charcterized Nic. We are talking about a beautiful true story, about a boat and its oarsmen who were trying very hard to take us as quickly as possible to our destination. The beauty of the scene was augmented by the slowness of the boat movement. Once arrived at the bank disembarcment was a made with super-joy from Nic's part and with good memories.

I wanted to share some of my memories with Nic and Nunus:

I will never forget the time that he was visiting Greece with Nunus. I was a little boy then, but I remember that we were all sitting at my grandfather’s veranda, having a nice time. I clearly remember that Nic, Nunus and I were playing at the veranda with one of these big colorful beach balls.

I will also never forget when Nunus and Nic visited Greece in 1999, and stopped by our house in Kalamaria. I remember that we had a very nice time, watching mine and Debbie's wedding video. I also remember how happy Thomas, my son, was when Nic and Nunus gave him a "toy parrot" that could speak back to you. Unfortunately, that was the last time that I saw Nic.

I miss him.

Aristotle

Irina C. Rosetti, Arhitecta, Paris, Franta

Un de mes meilleurs souvenirs avec Nic :

Le Queen Mary, sur lequel tu (Nic) avais traversé l’Atlantique pour rejoindre le Nouveau Monde.

Dans ma main fermée je tiens serré un cadeau que tu m’avais offert quelques minutes auparavant, tout heureux, en me disant simplement : « Tiens petite, il est  pour toi… »

Il s’agissait d’une petite réplique du bateau que toi m’a donné juste avant sortir de  la boutique de souvenirs.

Ce cadeau  venant d’une des sommités du monde médical, honoré et respecté, n’en eut que plus de valeur à mes yeux, il ne m’a pas quitté et toi non plus, Nic, tu es toujours dans mes pensées.

Brigitte Fontaine (Petite)

6 Octobre 2010, Nimes, France

The original email letter I sent to friends on September 13, 2010

Ileana/Nunus

The about 40 responses I received I posted

as comments on the Guestbook below.

MY EMAIL TO FRIENDS

All the emails above are responses to the email below I send

to friends and those who knew Nic

on September 10, the day of Nic’s death.

Date: Mon, 13 Sep 2010 20:34:39 -0700
From: ileanacostea@yahoo.com
Subject: Today there are 10 years since Nic, my husand left us
To:

You might receive this message twice. Sorry.

This message will be in three languages: English, Romanian, and French. I am writing without editing my text. It will not be an exact translation. I can not go back and refine it.

English

Today, September 13, in 2000 I went home to see how Nic was doing. After one year of suffering, many surgeries, but never losing his joking way of speaking, he was in a comma for the last two days. Only three days ago I took him to the beach, to watch te seagulls, hear the waves, and yes, admire the girls and young ladies rollerskating at Caffee Back on the Beach on Pacific Coast. One of our preferred places for breakfast. Even that place dissapeared.

That day I was not sure I will be able to offer him the care I did for the 6 months of him been bedridden, and me trying to make him live as normal as possibly and enjoy. For 2 days he could not use his fantastic sense of humor any more... We could not laugh together. I had classes in the afternoon, but did not return to the university. The nurse I called told me: He will day today, or during the night. He did at about 4PM after I talked to him for a long time, telling him things I recalled from our past and how much I loved him. He was my prince, my dream coming true, the person I loved most in my life. The nurse told me the last thing that one loses is "hearing" so I should talk to him, even if he does not react. I did for a long time. Then I thought I must have tired him and I went nextdoor for a few minutes. When I returned he was gone.

Here are some pictures with him (and I) in the good old days, when we were so young.

I would like to make a website for him, and I need the help of all of you who knew him, met him. Please be so kind and write a little blurb and if you have a picture with him, a story to share, something to tell "the world" and us all about him please send it to me. I need it by the end of September, although his birthday was on the 10t of November. I want to celebrate the day of is birth, a lucky day.

In the Greek Orthodox Religion (Romanian) one does a "Parastas" (religious ceremony) in the memory of the person who passed away. I am sure one of the goals is so that everybody remember the person who is gone. That is why I am sending you pictures, writing you these lines. Let us all think about Nic today, from wherever we are around the world.

Romanian

Azi, 13 Septembrie s-a dus Nic dupa luni de boala si stat la pat, cand am incercat sa-l "trag', "imping" cum ii placea sa spuna, ca sa se bucure: valuri la ocean, expozitii, o iesire la prieteni, o masa cu vorbe si povesti... Si intr-o zi nu mi-a mai raspuns. Am plecat la scoala cu grija. Cand m-am intros, pe la 2 mi-am dat seama ca nu voi mai putea de acum incolo sa am grija eu de el si am chemat o sora. Mi-a spus ca Nic se va duce chiar azi. Si nu m-am mai dus la scoala. Am stat langa el si i-am vorbit, caci sora m-a asigurat ca omul poate auzi si daca nu reactioneaza, auzul fiind ultimul lucru pe care-l pierdem. Si i-am turuit mult despre trecutul nostru impreuna, despre iubirea mea pentru el, despre ce a insemnat el pentru mine in tineretea mea, in venirea mea intr-o tara atat de diferita. Nic, a fost persoana pe lumea asta pe care am iubit-o cel mai mult. Imi placea hazul lui, spiritul lui nebunatic. A fost printul meu, visul meu implinit.Si dupa o vreme m-am gandit ca l-am obosit prea tare si m-am dus sa-l las sa se odihneasca, in camera altaturata. Cand m-am intors ... nu mai era...

Iata niste poze cu el, cu mine, din vremurile fericite de demult cand eram amandoi asa de tineri ...

Intentionez sa fac o pagina de web pentru Nic, she am nevoie de ajutorul celor care l-au intalnit, l-au cunoscut si ii rog sa scrie un mic text despre Nic, despre ce isi amintesc ei, o poveste care le-a ramas in minte, sau sa-mi trimeata o poza cu el. Am nevoie de asta pana la sfarsitul lui Septembrie ca sa pot avea pagina gata pentru 10 noiembrie, ziua lui Nic de nastere. Vreau sa sarbatoresc un eveniment fericit din viata lui, nu disparitia.

Parastasul e o ceremonie de aducere aminte. Deci ganditi-va la el azi, si o vreme pana imi trimete-ti notita sau poza si notita despre el, de pe unde va aflati pe globul asta.

French

O, you must understand English! Oui, je crois que la majorite d'entre vous comprends l'anglais. Donc pas de traduction...:-)

Aujourd'hui il y a 10 ans depuis que Nic nous a quitter. Il a retenu son formidable sense d'humour jusqu'a la fin. E un beau jour, quand il est entre en comme, et j'ai du appeler pour de l'aide medicale une infermiere elle m'a dit qu'il ne va pas attraper le lendemain. Donc je ne suis plus allee a l'universite et j'ai parler a Nic, beaucoup en lui racontant des evenemnet de notre vie, en lui disant qu'il represente la personne que j'ai aime le plus dans ma vie. Quelques minutes apres il nous a quitte.

Je veux lui faire une page web pour son jour de naissance, le 10 Novembre et je vous prie d'ecrire un petit mot sur lui, une histoire que vous vous rappeler, et si vous trouve une photo avec lui me l'envoyer. J'ai besoign de ca au plus tard jusqu'a la fin du moi de Septembre. Je ne peux pas me relire et raffine ce texte.

Nunus/Ileana

[R] De mult vreau sa pun pe hartie povestea de dragoste, povestea nebuna, povestea minunata, povestea complicata, viata foarte plina si cu nespus umor, pe care am trait-o cu Nic. O carte pe care asi chema-o “Viata traita cu accent.” Si n-am avut si inca nu am timpul. Asa ca, acum ca se implinesc 10 ani de la disparitia lui de printre noi, am decis sa “inghesui” intre cursuri, sedinte, rapoarte, ore cu studentii, cate o poveste pe zi, intre 13 septembrie, cand Nic a plecat si 10 Noiembrie , ziua lui de nastere. Dar nu am timpul sa scriu “apasat”, ordonat, corectat,cizelat.Ci pot s-o fac doar in goana condeiului, sa insir ce-mi vine prin minte si suflet, si cand am terminat sa fug la scoala, sa ma intorc la treaba - simfonie infinita - pe care trebuie s-o fac,  fara sa ma mai recitesc. Deci criticati-ma ca va fii cu greseli de ortografie, probabil in toate cele 3 limbi, ca spun povesti pe care le stiti sau pe care credeti ca ar trebui sa le tin numai pentru mine. Parerea voastra este a voastra, si eu scriu aceste randuri pentru Nic. Sunt lumarile virtuale de secol 21 pe care vreau sa le tin aprinse pentru el de azi pana pe 10 noiembrie. Scriu in trei limbi pentru ca am prieteni multi « in aceste limbi » si desi unii din voi le stiti pe toate trei, sau macar doua dintre ele, stiu ca fiecaruia ii vor merge mai direct la inima in limba materna. Dar nu asteptati traducere « mot a mot » ca nu mi-e in fire … Daca vreti sa urmariti blogul meu uitati-va la : www. Sper sa reusesc sa incropesc o pagina de web pentru Nic pana pe 10 noiembrie. Pana atunci am pus doar « o samanta » despre el la  …. Daca vreti va puteti duce acolo sa puneti o vorba, o poveste, sau o puteti trimete prin email sau pune pe blog. Oricum va voi anunta cand pagina e gata spre a o revizita de ziua lui.

[E] I will make an effort to translate what I write, at least for now. But do not expect an exact translation. This blog can be understood fully only if you know all three languages I am writing it in, Romanian, English, and French. Some of you know the three of them, some of you know at least two. I know all three in the same approximative way. Thus you will find errors. Sorry.  I will write without doing spell check, without looking back and re-reading the text to correct, refine it. I will write in the gallop of the keyboard and my thoughts, with no dictionary, no fear of being critisized by you. For I am writing for Nic, my husband, and each little story will be a virtual candle, so appropriate for the 21^st century we lived in, that I will “lit” in my Blog-way every day from now, September 14, the first day after Nic’s death (September 13, 2000) and November 10, his birthday. He did not catch his 73^rd … I want to keep alive his presence among you, my friends, those who met him, for at least a short while. This is my way. For a long time I wanted to write our love story, Nic’s and mine, our crazy story, our wonderful story, our complicated story, about our very full life and the humor with which we lived it together. That unwritten book is called “A life with an accent.” Follow my blog if you wish by checking:  I hope to have a nice website for Nic by November 10th. For now you can see the seed of it so that if you feel you can put a comment directly in the Guest Book there or on the blog. I will let you know when the website will be ready.

[F] Pour vous, mes amis francais, comme j’ai ecrit deux fois presque la meme introduction a ce blog, je vous prierez d’excuser mon francais approximative. Consolez vous, j’ecrit avec des fautes d’ortographe et de grammaire dans toutes les langues. Mais si vous vous rappeler (et je sais que oui) des beau moments que nous avons passe ensemble, suivez mon Blog pour Nic, que je vais tenir entre aujourd’hui (le jour apres le 13 Septembre 2000 quand il est parti de ce monde) et le 10 Novembre sont jour de naissance. Aujourd’hui Nic serai octogainaire. Je suis sur qui’il vous racontai quelque chose avec humour, et qu’il fumerai une cigarette sans ce faire des soucis qu’il peut derranger quelq’un avec la fume. Depuis des annees je pense ecrire un livre de l’histoire d’amour fou, de notre vie pleine, belle, compliquee, mais qu’on a vecu avec un sens supreme d’humour, son humor, et oui, aussi un peu le mien... Le titre de ce livre pas ecrit serrai « Vie avec accent ». Je n’ai jamais eut le temps de l’ecrire, et je n’ai pas encore le temps dans mon programme de course infernale entre des cours a l’universite, des etudiants a conseiller, des rapports a ecrire… Donc vous aurrez des lignes ecrites a grande vitesse. Je vais allumer jusqu’au 10 Novembre une chandelle virtuelle si propice pour le 21eme siecle dans le quel nous vivont pour Nic. J’espere reussir de completer une site web pour Nic jusqu'au 10 Novembre. Pour l’instant je n’ai mit que quelques feuilles. Vous pouvez aller la bas directement pour ecrire un mot, une histoire, ou me l’envoyer a traver le courrier electronique, ou le mettre sur le blog. Votre choix.

Scenario :

[Ro]

14 septembrie 2010

Prima zi dupa moartea lui Nic (Sept 13, 2000)

Ora 6 dimineata in casa noastra din Encino, muntii se vad conturati de o linie roz-portocalie, Valea San Fernando are un strat gros bej de smog (poluare). Mi s-a parut intotdeauna ca privesc spre Brasov de la Poiana... Dar cat a trait Nic nu-mi aduc aminte sa fii vazut stratul gros de poluare!

Prima istoriaora nu este despre Nic in particular ci despre casatorii fericite! Perioada asta cand va voi face complicii gandurilor si amintirilor mele despre Nic vreau sa fie cu haz, cum era si Nic, de nostalgie da, dar nu de tristete.

[E]

The same house we bought together, Nic and I,after our marriage, in 1973. He never had a house before, although he lived in the States since 1956. He wanted an A frame… we got a “real” house in Encino, at the middle of the distance between the Veteran Administration Hospital in Sepulveda, where he was working, and UCLA where I was going to school, and he had his clinic. It is very early in the morning. The Saint Gabriel mountains are countoured by a orange-pinkish line. Beautiful. When Nic was alive I do not recall to have looked so intensely at the hills, the Valley, and the mountains as I do now. I think because I was busy living…

My first story is not about Nic in particular. It is about Happy Marriages, Perfect Married Couples. These days when I will take you with me in Nic and my life “with an accent” are nostalgic,but should not be sad, but funny, as Nic always was.

[F]

La maison, les amis francais la connaissent. Une maison avec piscine, dans laquelle vous veniez a 1 heure a midi dimanche, pour un dejeuner et une baignade et vous restiez jusqu'à minuit. On racontait, on mangait, on riait, et on ete furieux que Nic jetter tout du refrigerateur… quand il nous laisser pour aller faire une sieste …

Ma premiere petite istorie n’a pas Nic comme sujet. C’est l’histoire d’un marriage parfait. Ces jours dans lesquelles je vous amenent avec moi dans mon livre spontanee et virtuel « Vie avec un accent » sont pleines de nostalgie,mais je ne les veux pas triste, mais amusantes, comme Nic ete toujours.

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Prima lumanare virtuala pentru Nic

Exista casatorii perfecte ?

Mama mea (Ana Paunescu) era convinsa ca da, putine, dar exista. Si, intr-o zi de vara ne-am dus in vizita la Dl. O, profesor de matematica, academician, octogenar, bun prieten al familiei mele. Mama traise singura de cand m-am nascut eu (patru luni dupa moartea tatei) si O era casatorit de ani si ani, cu o femeie minunata, intr-o casatorie cunoscuta ca fara gres. Eu aveam 16 ani si incepeam sa deschid ochii la viata. Mama, cu firea ei de profesoara de liceu si dascal cu deformarile profesionale de rigoare, profita de orice moment (putine de altfel cu fiica ei, adolescent normal) ca sa-mi faca predici educative. Deci: Azi ne ducem in vizita la Dl. O. Ai sa vezi un cuplu fericit, cel mai intelept si armonios, cu o casatorie impecabila.

Sa fii atenta, sa observi bine cat de frumos se comporta unul cu celalalt. Intrebat cum a fost viata lui inainte de a se casatori, O spunea ca nu-si mai aduce aminte. Ca toata viata lui a fost casatorit cu L. Si sigur, trebuia sa le ducem flori. Noi sarace, florile foarte scumpe. Mama a ales buchetul cel mai frumos, si cel mai costisitor din respect pentru familia O.

Si, ca la Bucuresti, pe vremea aceea, sa fii fost in anii 60, aveam de mers mult pe jos, luat un tramvai si un autobuz. Timp prielnic pentru mama sa imi predice. Eu tineam buchetul atent sa nu se strice, si mama turuia. Ai sa vezi ce inseamna un cuplu fericit. Ambii niste oameni exceptionali, s-au iubit toata viata. Se inteleg din priviri. Nu au nici un moment de cearta. In mintea mea ma gandeam si atunci, si m-am gandit din nou multi ani dupa aceea, cand mama a venit sa locuiasca la noi, cu Nic si mine, in Encino: Ce stie mama despre o casatorie fericita? Da, a fost maritata cu tata 8 ani, dar au trecut multi ani de atunci si a uitat senzatia. Isi face mereu aceste imagini perfecte… Nu o puteam contrazice, ca asa era atunci, nu avea dreptul oul sa contrazica gaina. Deci continuam drumul spre O. si predica despre cuplul lor perfect.

In fine am ajuns in fata usii. Intr-un fund de curte, cateva trepte de urcat. Suntem pe micul palier al casei lor. Deschide domnul profesor. Simpatic, politicos. Mama ii da buchetul de flori: proaspete, minunate. El ii multumeste si ii saruta mamei ceremonios mana. Mie un compliment. Sunt bucuroasa ca nu ma apuca de obraz, cum obisnuiau adultii sa faca celor mici in gest de apreciere. E sfatos, pare intelept, incep sa cred ca mama are dreptate; trebuie ca este un sot minunat. Se aud urcand repede pe scara de la subsol pasii lui L, nevasta italianca. Mica, iute, simpatica, femeie extraordinara. Ne sarutam. O. spune : Vezi scumpa mea L. ce flori frumoase ne-au adus ? O sa le pun in vasul albastru. Ba nu, le pui in vasul verde de jos, replica ea autoritar. Draga mea L. cred ca se potrivesc mai bine in vasul albastru.  Si atata i-a trebuit L. ca … sa ia buchetul nostru de flori si sa-l transforme intr-o sorcova nemiloasa cu care ii dadea in cap sotului tipand ascutit: Ti-am spus sa le pui in vasul verde. Niciodata nu faci ce spun eu. Toata viata m-ai contrazis. Ti-a duci  aminte ce mi-ai facut ... si uite-asa nu se mai oprea de tipat si de dat cu florile in bietul sot... ultra jenat. Buchetul nostru de flori, vai de el. Iar noi … incremenite, blocate, in pozitie de drepti in dreptul usii … si uite-asa s-a dus pe apa Sambetei predica mamei despre ce inseamna o casatorie fericita, armonioasa. Mama se uita la mine in disperarea ei ca lunga ei lectie de pedagogie a fost distrusa ...  Dar fiica ei urama sa fie casatorita 29 ani cu Nic, un sot minunat, intr-un cuplu perfect, o casatorie fericita ...asa cum imagina mama cuplurile ideale, casatoriile fara zbarca.

English

Are there perfect marriages on this world?

My mother (Ana Paunescu) was convinced that they exists, few but some. One summer day mother took me to visit Prof. O, a famous mathematics professor, academician, then in his eighties, a good friend of our family. All Bucharest knew that O and his wife have been happily married for many, many years. Mother lived alone since my father died, four months before I was born. ( She never remarried for my sake, “not to give me a step further.”) I was 16 years old and just started opening my eyes to life. Mother was worried about the direction I was going to take. Like a normal adolescent, I was not very interested to spend much time in the company of my mother, my strict, conservative mother. That day she took me to visit Prof. O. I accepted. You will see the most perfect couple, two people who were married many years and have a perfect, flowless marriage, because they are both exceptional people, wise and good, and loving each other.

You must observe everything with great care, my daughter, and see for yourself how a happily married couple behaves, and take note so that you will apply this in your future life. When one asks Professor O. how was his life before marriage, he says he simply can’t remember, because he has been married all his life with this wonderful wife of his, L.

Of course, following the Romanian habits we had to buy the couple a nice bouquet of flowers. Mother was poor, the flowers were expensive. We spent 15 minutes in the minuscule non-elegant flower shop to buy the best looking, the freshest, most impressive flowers. We continued our walk to the O family. In those days, it must have been in the middle 60’s going somewhere meant a lot of walking, taking a streetcar and a bus ride. Perfect opportunity for a mother to lecture her teenage daughter. I was holding very carefully the bouquet and mother was talking non stop. Today you will see what a happy couple looks like and behaves. Observe carefully and learn for yourself. Both O and his wife are exceptional people, they loved each other dearly their entire life, they respect each other, are kind to each other, they live in total harmony. They never quarrel with each other. You will see and understand what I mean.

Even then, before living in a marriage, I was doubting the sayings of my mother. Of coursse I knew better years later when I was happily married with Nic, in our perfectly harmonious couple, based on my mother’s views, and have some doubts about my mother’s thoughts then two, now that she was staying with us in our Encino house. That day in Bucharest, while she was lecturing me, in her High School teacher style, with her pedagogical professional deformations, I was thinking: What does my mother know about marriage. Yes, she was married for 8 years to my father, but it is a long time ago. She has forgotten the feeling of being married, I was sure. However, I could not contradict her, for “the egg must listen to and learn from the hen.” Thus we were continuing our walk to the O perfect family, and the lecturing went on and on.

Finally we arrive. We are now on the little entry platform before the O door. We ring the bell. He opens. He is good looking, nice. He takes our flowers, ceremonialy, Romanian style, kisses my mother’s hand, tells me a few nice words of praise. I am happy that he did not pinch my chick as it was the habbit for grown ups to show appreciation for the children… We hear the quick steps of his wife, the short, pleasant L. O. tells her: Do you see my dear what beautiful flowers Ana and her daugher Nunus brought us? I will go and put them in the blue vase. No, said Luiza, You will put them in the green vase downstairs. But Luiza, I think this bouquet will look better in the blue vase. I told  you, you must put them as I say in the green vase… and suddently, the bouquet in her hand became a short-handed broom with which she was hitting violently her husband on the head, screaming … You never do what I tell you. You always contradicted me, your whole life. Do you remember what you did that day … O remained quiet… Mother and I were in shock … mother especially, who saw (and heard) her preaching about the perfect couple go down the drain. The screams would not stop, and I understood. There are indeed some perfect marriages. Few, but there are. Mother was right. I know it from my marriage of 29 years with Nic.

9/18/10

Draga Nunus,

Ti-am raspund la mesaj trimitind 2 poze care sper sa iti faca placere.

Iata citeva exemple din umorul lui Nic. Sint pentru tine, nu stiu daca sa le pui pe un mesaj general. Nic era un om cu putine vorbe, dar foarte la punct.

Despre un coniac numit Napoleon: Marian spune Coniac Napoleon Bonaparte la care Nic, Napoleon in buna parte!

La un Paste la noi, mama alege un ou verde si tanti Ana unul rosu. Nic, ce interesant una este comunista si alta legionara!

La acelas Paste, pe cind admiram aparatul tau de filmat si faceam  comentarii asupra valorii amintirilor, Nic imi atrage atentia ca aparatul tau inregistreaza si vorbitul asa ca in momentul de fata inregistreaza si toate prostiile care le spui!

La Nunus erau in vizita un numar destul de mare de delegati din Rominia, in majoritate barbati. Unul, cu voce scazuta, il intreaba pe Nic unde ar putea gasi niste perle pentru sotie. Nic raspunde fara ezitare la Pick'n Save!

Sint sigura ca de-alungul anilor am auzit multe alte glume frumoase, dar asta este ce imi amintesc acum. Aseara m-am uitat la filmul facut de tine in excursia noastra la Bryce si la Las Vegas. Privit acum este aproape un documentar prin faptul ca Las Vegas este cu totul differit, multe din hotelurile de atunci nu mai sint. De asemenea la Bryce, drumul pina la parc este cu totul differit din cauza multor hoteluri si altor structuri care s-au adaugat cu anii. L-am vizitat din nou anul trecut.

Multa lume draguta si cu suflet ales nu mai  este! Ma consider f. norocoasa ca am avut sansa sa ii cunosc si sa ascult la multele lucruri frumoasa care le povesteau. Deasemenea si familia mea, Mihai in special.

Duminica placuta, Tumpi

Elizabeta Anghel, Chair Library Department, Riverside, California

IC : Buni prieteni cu mama mea si cu noi, ea si sotul ei Mark (Marian) ani de zile. Radeam mult impreuna. Am facut niste excursii minunate impreuna. M-au ajutat mult dupa moartea mamei (1996). O rog pe Tumpi sa ma ierte ca am pus aceste amintiri amuzante ale ei despre Nic desi “erau mai mult pentru mine.” Dar cred ca il reprezinta atat de bine pe Nic, si simtul lui, extraordinarul lui simt de umor...

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IC: English transaltion

I answered you to the email message sending you two pictures (via mail) that I hope you will enjoy.

Here are a few examples of Nic’s humor.They are for you. I do not know if you should put them so that other can see them too. Nic was a man of little words, but very to the point.

About a congnac called Napoleon : Marina (Tumpi’s husbaband) said : Cognact Napoleon Bonaparte, to which Nic replies « Napoleon in buna parte » (Napoleon in a large part, an untranslatable play of words).

At an Easter, at our house, my mother choses a green egg, and your mother, aunt Ana (Ana Paunescu) choses a red one. Nic, says: How interesting, one lady is a communist, the other a “legionary” (IC: the Romanian very nationalistic people, with a natzi flavor). (IC: For Easter there is a Romanian tradition to color hard boiled eggs, especially in a very bright red color. Then, at lunch or dinner, around the table two people would pick one egg each, trying to choose the hardest, with least chance to break, and know the eggs, generally pointed part with pointed part, and more rounded part with more rounded part. The one who knocks says: Christ has risen! The one who has the egg still, down, waiting for the other to knock it, replies: Indeed, he has risen! One egg gets broken. Then one can try using the egg with the other side… At times someone is lucky and “beats” everybody else’s egg.)

At the same Easter lunch (in Riverside, at our house), while I was admiring the video camera you had and I was making comment about the value of memories, when Nic announces me that your camera records the voice too, so that at this moment also records all the stupid things you are saying!

At your house, Nunus, you had a large number of official guests from Romania, most men. One, with a very low voice asks Nic where could he find some pearls for his wife. Nic answers without any hesitation that one can find them at Pick’n Save!

I am sure that along the years I hear him saying many nice jokes, but these are those that I remember at this moment. Yesterday night I looked at the video you took during the trip we did together at Bryce Canyon and Las Vegas. Seen now it is like a documentary, for Las Vegas has changed a lot and is quite different nowadays. Many of the hotels existing there have dissapeared. Also at Bryce, the road to the park is very different now because of the numerous hotels and buildings that were added over the years. I went back to visit them last year.

Many of the good, nice people with big souls are no longer alive ! I am considering myself very luck to have had the opportunity to know Nic and to hear many of the nice things he was telling. My family, feels the same way, especially (my son) Mihai.

Have a pleasant Sunday, Tumpi

Elizabeta Anghel, Riverside, California

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9/19/10

Pozele le-am pus in posta. Am zis ca tu le poti digitize mai bine ca mine. Probabil ca vor sosi luni sau marti.

Cu drag, T.

Tumpi/Elizabeta Anghel

Nic si Nunus la casa lui Tumpi si Marian, Riverside, California, 1977 It was the time to dance ...

Marian (Mark) Anghel si Nicolas Costea, Riverside, CA, 1977

9/18/10

…

M-am bucurat sa va vad in poze, amandoi tineri si frumosi, iar tu, asa de proaspata si de frumoasa. Vezi cum trec toate si noi alergam, cautam si cei destepti se bucura din plin, asta e pana la urma secretul cel mare al existentei. Unii sunt destepti de la inceput (asta e misterul), altii se desteapta tarziu, iar altii, nicioadata. Bine ca ai facut parastasul, te pupacesc, numai bine, cu drag, S

Silvia Mihai, Bucuresti, Romania, nepoata

L-a vazut pe Nic de mai multe ori in Los Angeles si la Paris

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I was glad to see you in pictures, both young and good looking, and yourself so fresh and beautiful. See how all things fade and we keep running, looking for … and the smart ones know how to enjoy fully, this is in the end the big secret of our existence. Some are smart from the very beginning (this is the mistery), others wake up only later in life, and yet ohers never do. It is good that you did the “Parastas”, I kiss you, and wish you all the best, with love, S

Silvia Mihai, a niece from Bucharest Romania whom I taught French while I was a young student. She came to visit us in Los Angeles, and met Nic in Paris. We went on short trips with her around Paris. In Barbizon we, “the girls” wanted to walk, and Nic “kept conserving himself,” as he liked to say, and remained in the car smoking, while we took a short walk through the forest. Short for we did not want to let him wait much. Also, I still recall Silvia’s astonishment, when the three of us visited the Cheverny castle, in the Loire region. It is a castle for hunting, and they have a very large number of grey hounds. Next to the place where the dogs were, there were boards asking to Not agitate the dogs. Silvia and I went to visit the big hall with dear horns, inside the castle, while all of a sudden we heard all the dogs barking, in an impossible, noisy way. I ran telling Silvia: It must be my Nic. Indeed, he was barking to the dogs, which exited them. Silvia, quiet and obedient Silvia, could not believe his eyes (and ears too!) This was my Nic. Interdictions had “no authority” with him.

9/18/10

Draga mea, Este frumoasa ideia de a face o pagina Web pentru ziua de
nastere a lui Nic si sunt duioase randurile tale de mai jos. As vrea
sa contribui si eu la pagina Web, dar nu o voi putea face decat dupa
ce ma intorc din Romania - acuma, inainte de plecare, ma simt
coplesita si nu vreau sa fac ceva la repezeala -. Daca esti de acord,
trimite-mi un scurt mesaj. Cu mult drag,  Gugu

Alexandra Bellow, Chicago, verisoara mea primara, care a venit sa-l vada pe Nic de multe ori in anul cat a fost bolnav. Ea si cu matusa mea, mama ei, Dr. Florica Bagdasar au fost martorii la nunta noastra in 1973 si singurii nostri nuntasi… la un restaurant frantuzesc in Venice, Gigi, care nu mai exista azi.

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My dear, I like the idea of making a website for Nic’s Birthday, and your words are very tender. In my turn I wouldlike to contribute to his Website, but I will not be able to do it but after I return from Romania – now before my departure I am overwhelmed with things to do and prepare and I do not wish to write something in a hurry. If you agree be so kind and send me a short message. Much love, Gugu

Alexandra Bellow Calderon, Professor of Mathematics at Northwestern University, Chicago

A sister-cousin, our mothers loved each other enormously. She and “mami”, Dr. Florica Bagdasar,  Gugu’s mother were the only guest at our wedding, on April 20, 1973. We both had no other relatives in Los Angeles, and also no friends. Nic moved to LA to UCLA and the VA, Sepulveda VA Hospital from the University of Illinois, in Chicago and the Cook County VA Hospital just one year before my arrival here, in 1972. Just a year later we knew so many people we could have filled a large church, and some years later even more, that we could have filled a soccer field … 

9/18/10

Dumnezeu sa-l odihneata printre cei drepti.

Frumoase poze. Mi-au facut mare placere sa va vad asa de tineri si frumosi. Voi pastra in memorie casuta voastra insorita sus pe deal cu pscina aprope de bucatarie unde, daca imi adic eu aminte bine, Nic era incantat sa prepare cate ceva.

Mi-ati fost tare dragi si mi-au placut mult conversatiile cu Nic, inteligente si pline de umor. A fost un simbol al romanilor de peste hotare.

In 1988,  am dorit mult sa fie la festivitatea de graduare la terminarea liceului lui Victor, cand se pregatea sa o porneasca spre Stanford. Pe atunci avea un gand neclarificat al profesiei in domeniul medicinii. Nu ati putut veni, dar mama, Dna Ana Paun a venit si ne-a scris cateva randuri  si urari, asgurandu-ne de dragostea  voastra. Ati facut si veti face parte de anii nostrii de tinerete si incercari ai inceputului in America.

Calde imbratisari

Mihaela pe inserat de la Padurea inca verde cu seri calde si linistite

Mihaela Velculescu, pe care o vedeam des cand lucra la un spital in Encino si locuiau in West Lake, California. E mult de cand s-au mutat in Nordul Californiei si apoi, aproape de baiatul lor si familia lor pe coasta de est.

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God rest him in peace among the right ones.

Beautiful pictures. I was very pleased to see you so young and beautiful. I will always remember your sunny house up on the hill with the swimming pool next to the kitchen wher, if I recall correctly, Nic was ready each time to cook something (for the guests.)

You were very dear to me, and I was enjoying my conversations with Nic, intelligent talks and filled with humor. To me he (Nic) represented a symbol of Romanians living abroad.

In 1988, I wanted him to participate at the High School graduation ceremony for Victor (Mihaela’s son), when Victor started to take his road to Stanford. At that time he had a vague thought about going into the medical profession. Nic and you you could not join us, but your mother, Mrs. Ana Paunescu came and then she wrote us a few lines and congratulations, ensuring us of your love. You were, and are, part of our youth years and our first steps of living in America.

Warm hugs,

Mihaela at the fall of the night in the still greet forest during warn and quiet evenings.

Mihalea Victoria Velculescu, Biologist, East Cost, USA

The original email letter I sent to friends on September 13, 2010

Ileana/Nunus